Here are more things


Here is my face.

I have hands and feet and other parts too, but I prefer to keep some things private.

If it's helpful in imagining the rest of me, one time a guy I used to bone described me as "sort of like a hot Gumby."

I was offended by that description at the time but then a while back I had vagina surgery and I walked a lot like Gumby for a couple of weeks so maybe he was just seeing into the future? He was describing my body, though, not the way I walk, so I don't know. Possible I was wearing a lot of boot-cut jeans at the time.

For the record, the bottom part of my legs are shaped normally, regardless of the type of jeans I might be wearing. And I'm not green.

Not at all like Gumby, really, I don't know what that guy was talking about.

I'm sure you were hoping for more from this bio than how my body was once inaccurately described, but if I tell you everything in this one little box, I'm not sure why you'd read all the other great stuff on my blog.

Plus, there's a lot you can tell from this picture of my face.
  • I'm a white person, for one.
  • I'm also a female.
  • If you look closely, you can see some grey hair, which means I'm no spring chicken.
  • I'm smiling with my mouth closed - could be I have eff'd up teeth or possibly my neck muscles get all weird when the corners of my mouth go up too high. Maybe both.
  • I might live in a house with a blue door. (I don't.)
  • Finally, it appears that on the day this photo was taken, something interesting was happening to my right.

There. Now you know some stuff about me.


Pity, please.

I’m in a terrible mood today. Just the worst.

I hate to complain (#lies) but if I’m going to move forward with my day, I have to get it all off my chest, so here’s a list of horrible things that have happened to me in the past two hours which you should all pity me for:

  • I had to get up early to take back the rental car to the place, which means I didn’t get to lay in bed for an hour reading about coronavirus.
  • My hair looked crazy so I had to wash it.
  • And then I had to fix it.
  • I still have that stupid haircut.
  • Low water pressure in the shower.
  • Freezing toilet seat.
  • Cold floor.
  • Couple days ago I broke my pinky nail way down in the nail bed and in order to not catch it on things, I have to wear a bandaid which is so gross and germy and feels weird like I cut my pinky off and now I have that “pinky that used to be there and still feels like it’s there sometimes” like how soldiers feel after they lose a leg in the war.
My nasty broken nail
  • My jeans were all crunchy and still a little wet from doing laundry b/c we have no dryer.
  • I forgot to wash my scarf and it smelled like feet.
  • Had a rock in my shoe but didn’t realize it until after I’d tied it so I had to untie it and then retie it.
  • It’s cold outside.
  • We forgot to fill up the rental car last night so we had to find a gas station, which was in the opposite direction of the place where we had to drop it off.
  • Edinburgh traffic.
  • The Hot Canadian pointed to a hill we were driving by and he was all “That’s the hill I was talking about yesterday” and I was like “THAT’S THE HILL I WAS TALKING ABOUT YESTERDAY” and he was like “Oh I thought you were talking about that other hill over there with the statue on it” and I was like “I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THAT OTHER HILL UNTIL JUST NOW, I WAS OBVIOUSLY TALKING ABOUT THIS HILL GOD, I HATE YOU SO MUCH.
  • I had forgotten to throw out a bunch of snotty tissues I’d stuffed in the pocket in the door of the car and the Hot Canadian didn’t anticipate I would have forgotten to do that so he didn’t bring a little bag from the house and then we had to find a trash can and I was so mad at him, even madder than I was about the thing about the hill.
  • He threw all the tissues away while I sat in the car brooding and one of them fell out of his hand but I just watched it blow down the street instead of chasing after it which I immediately felt guilty about (but not guilty enough to chase it).
  • We had to stand outside with the rental car guy while he checked the car and made small talk about our trip and my neck was so cold because no scarf.
  • It was a 10 block walk to the coffee shop.
  • Had another rock in my shoe.
  • The Hot Canadian crossed the street when the little man was red which he knows I hate, but I had to follow him because I didn’t want to walk alone even though I’m so mad at him for very good reasons.
  • As soon as we sat down with our coffees, he started working immediately instead of farting around and wasting time like me.
  • He was so nice to me the whole morning, even when I was mean to him.

Oh my god I feel so much better now, thanks guys.

Happy Monday!

Lovingly filed under:


Here is an email list signup form
Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.