Here are more things

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Here is my face.

I have hands and feet and other parts too, but I prefer to keep some things private.

If it's helpful in imagining the rest of me, one time a guy I used to bone described me as "sort of like a hot Gumby."

I was offended by that description at the time but then a while back I had vagina surgery and I walked a lot like Gumby for a couple of weeks so maybe he was just seeing into the future? He was describing my body, though, not the way I walk, so I don't know. Possible I was wearing a lot of boot-cut jeans at the time.

For the record, the bottom part of my legs are shaped normally, regardless of the type of jeans I might be wearing. And I'm not green.

Not at all like Gumby, really, I don't know what that guy was talking about.

I'm sure you were hoping for more from this bio than how my body was once inaccurately described, but if I tell you everything in this one little box, I'm not sure why you'd read all the other great stuff on my blog.

Plus, there's a lot you can tell from this picture of my face.
  • I'm a white person, for one.
  • I'm also a female.
  • If you look closely, you can see some grey hair, which means I'm no spring chicken.
  • I'm smiling with my mouth closed - could be I have eff'd up teeth or possibly my neck muscles get all weird when the corners of my mouth go up too high. Maybe both.
  • I might live in a house with a blue door. (I don't.)
  • Finally, it appears that on the day this photo was taken, something interesting was happening to my right.

There. Now you know some stuff about me.

Bye.

Get Ready to Be Impressed By Me

This morning I ran for 30 minutes straight, no stopping. AREN’T YOU IMPRESSED? I feel a little weird about it because the other day I was talking to my friend Chad who runs a lot and he was like “how long do you run for?” and I was like “30 minutes” but that was was sort of a lie because really, I was running for 30 minutes with some walky bits here and there. But this time I DIDN’T STOP, NOT EVEN ONE TIME.

EVERYBODY.

STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND BE IMPRESSED THAT I RAN FOR 30 MINUTES WITH NO STOPPING, I’M SERIOUS, LITERALLY STOP TAKING CARE OF YOUR KIDS OR COOKING DINNER OR WHATEVER DUMB THING YOU’RE DOING AND JUST STAND THERE AND BE IMPRESSED FOR AT LEAST A FULL MINUTE, IF NOT LONGER, THIS IS A HUGE DEAL THAT NEEDS TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED BY ALL OF YOU.

Not only that –

Wait wait, listen –

NOT ONLY THAT:

I did that shit on Monday too.

I’m not joking, today was the second time I ran for 30 minutes, no stopping, I KNOW!!!

Nobody can fuck with me, I am a literal olympic goddess, they should probably bring me in to cure coronavirus, cuz this bitch can do ANYTHING.

Thank you for your attention. Feel free to go back to what you were doing, xo.

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